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I Had a Dream About Alan Thicke Last Night
He was on America's Most Dangerous Golf Videos
And the host introduced Alan's footage
Thusly: "Now Alan has been known to golf
In some pretty dangerous places, but this course
Beats them all." We cut over to Alan Thicke
And his two snappy Nike Footjoys
Straddled over the lip-sides of a canoe that half-
Dangles over a grass-covered canyon --
Allen Thicke is calm for now, he chokes up
On his pitching wedge, and the canoe
Wavers and shakes, the studio audience gasps,
The camera pulls back its bird's-eye and
Alan Thicke is not nervous now
Alan Thicke is not panicking
And he switches to a nine iron, this thrill-
Seeker gone mad, gone awry, a falcon
Circles over him and the canyon, I thought
Alan Thicke was some faceless wholesome
Canadian, right, even-tempered and all,
But now Alan Thicke is holding his breath
For fun over the canyon, on purpose, on
Message, white pants, perfect hair, Alan Thicke
Jousts his ball and the boat teeters. And I wake up.